How Can A Woman Defend Herself From Attackers?

I’ve been involved with martial arts and self-defense since 2004 and teaching self-defense classes since 2009.
There are a few things I recommend a women carry with her at all times in a place she can easily get a hold of….Pepper spray (18% or higher), tactical flash light, personal alarm, kubaton, and a sturdy metal pen. Now if your country, state or city allows you to carry a gun, that would be nice too. All of these items will be taken from you if you want to board an airplane or go into a government building except the metal pen. The pen maybe X-Rayed but won’t be taken from you.
Now when I say you should carry these things I mean you should also be trained and ready to use each of these items correctly. Here’s a video I made to show how to use these items

Original question and answer link How Can A Woman Defend Herself From Attackers?

What To Do If Your Child is Being Bullied

This a timely blog entry seeing that it's the beginning of the school year for many children across the world. Along with the excitement of meeting new teachers and getting new school supplies is also the threat of being bullied. 
One of my friends shared a post on Facebook that upset me, it's title was "Bullies dump deaf student's backpack in toilet, heartbreaking photo goes viral"
This was my reply
"This upsets me on so many levels...I have many deaf friends who have had to endure years of harassment from the hearing world...I was bullied for years...I now empower people by teaching them how to defend themselves against these types of people...this isn't just bullying but illegal in many states, thankfully it's considered a crime now...this student needs strong adult advocates. I made a video about this topic, I hope you don't mind I share it here" 
"...I made that video because someone whose close to me PMed about their child being bullied and I knew other people needed to hear what I told my friend"

Enter To Win A Parent Guide: How To Talk To Your Children About Sexual Abuse

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Self-defense isn’t about defeating somebody…It is about escape

Being Aware Of Your Environment, The People Around You And Paying Attention To Your Intuition

Most important thing to take away: be aware of your environment and the people around you. If a person makes you feel uncomfortable for some reason---listen to that feeling. Those feelings are called your inner voice (some people call it intuition and/or Holy Ghost)---these feelings will not mislead you.

I remember a couple years ago I was running late for a meeting. I got to the meeting late and so I had to take the seat that was left open. I sat next to a man, who was dressed like all the other men in the meeting and was he clean however I had this yucky feeling sitting next to him. I had a feeling and thought run through my mind that this man was a pedophile. Because everyone in the meeting was wearing name tags I looked up his name (using my cell phone) on the sex offender registration and I found him. 

Our inner voice/intuition/Holy Ghost is there to protect us and our families---pay attention to it

What to Do If Your Car is Sinking in Water with Only Seconds to React

To purchase a glass breaker/seat-belt cutter/flashlight

Facebook: Talking Self Defense

Florida Mom and Off Duty Deputy Thwart Abduction of 13 Year Old Girl in Store

My plead to all women, be prepared to protect yourself and your family by doing simple things such as carrying pepper spray, stun gun, kubaton---it's easy to use, conceal,  and carry.

Please visit my site to find these simple self-defense tools

Things To Teach Children To Do To Get Away From A Would Be Kidnapper

Okotoks, Alberta--January 27, 2016
Grande Prairie, Aberta--November 3, 2015
Washington County--February 2015
Walmart--February 2012
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania--July 2012
Calgary Alberta--April 2012 

To schedule a self-defense class contact me at

Everything is s Weapon

Remember everything you have in your hands can be used as a weapon----some of the most effective tools are actual weapons such, pepper spray, kubaton, stun gun...etc---put your phone away when walking any where---it's a distraction as well as it occupies your hands. Your hands are one of your tools for self-defense

Pepper Spray
The use of the following items is to stun and hurt an attacker enough to get away----remember seconds count---these may afford you more time

Remember also, when using any of the following you need to strike hard---practice is important too as well as mind set---if you've already made up your mind before something happens and how you will act, than if it ever happens you will already know what to do, you will not have to think about it, it will come more naturally---seconds count

Pepper Spray--The pepper spray Damsel in Defense sells is one of the hottest on the market, 18%, hotter than a ghost pepper, as well as it has UV dye in it to help to find the attacker faster, shoots up to 16 feet 

Kubaton--Striking tool (which fits nicely in your hand) increases the power of a defensive strke, legal in call 50 states

Pen/Pencil--have sharp points and can be used to strike an attacker and give you enough time to get away from them

Water bottle--if it's filled, it can be pretty heavy and be used to strike the attacker

Keys--in many different ways can be used as weapons

Brush/comb--can be used to gouge and or scratch someone pretty good

Refuse To Be A Victim

Are you giving criminals information about your family?

"Our goal is that everyone thinks about the free information that they are providing to potential criminals," Race Search and Rescue stated on its Facebook page. "Our families' safety is the most important thing."
Bumper sticker---tells people where your child goes to school
Parking sticker--tells people where you live or work
Dad's clothing--military and could be away from home
Child dressed as a football player--your child pays football
Police Chief Patrick O'Rourke of Derry Township, Pa., says these stickers just reveal too much personal information. "The stick figure family may divulge too much information as to how many children are home, what ages they are, if you have a dog, if you don't," O'Rourke told WDRB-TV. "Be cautious about what you're putting on your vehicle. Be aware of what the ramifications may be."


Bushes and Night Time

I know it sounds like an odd topic but consider that a great deal of attacks that occur to women happen at night where there is covering for a predator.

One of the best places for a predator to wait, watch and attack from is where they can't be seen. When walking near bushes at night do you ever wonder if there is someone behind, under or in the bush? This is something we should be aware of--this is part of our environment.

If you're walking at night, if you can avoid walking near bushes avoid it, if not, than before going near them, listen with your ears and your inner voice, look and watch.


Non Lethal Weapons

Since I started my self-defense classes/seminars in 2009 my students have been asking me about weapons. I'm starting this month, April 2016, to incorporate the use of non lethal weapons and where to buy them.

I've become a Damsels in Defense Pro to offer my students the best self-defense, non lethal weapons. I'll be selling and teaching people how to use pepper spray, kubatons, stun guns...etc. Below is a video showing the effectiveness of the pepper spray I'll be selling

The pepper spray is the strongest you can legally buy, 18%

To place your order go to my website

When Is It Ok to Lie?

Several years ago my husband and I taught a self defense class in an inner city community based organization for youth. We were brought in because one of the youth had been sexually abused and the leaders at the center wanted to help the youth to:
 1) know it wasn't their fault if they had been or ever would be abused (we spoke to the youth about the important resource they had in their trained councelors)
2) how to possibly get out of an abusive situation.
We also talked about 1)listening to their intution 2) de-escalating techniques 3) basic self defense moves and 4) how to stay out of or get out of a potentially dangerous situtation
Talking about handling dangerous situations we told the youth that there are times it's ok to tell a predator that your father will be picking you up in a few minutes, when in actually isn't. It's ok to agree with an agressive person looking for a fight when what they're saying isn't true---we told them truth and honesty strengthen relationships and build character, which they understood but that a lie to get out of a situation that could be physically harmful is an important resource.

Lying is an elementary means of self-defense Susan Sontag

Using Your Head for Self Defense

How do you use your head in self defense? This is a question I often ask my classes

1) Use it as a weapon, by head butting your attacker

2) Use your common sence when dealing with someone

3) Use your mind to know whether you should be somewhere

4) Tap into your intuition and believe in it, it will never lead you astray


I found this quote today, if I had one word for this quote it would be Resilience. 
The definition of  Resilience from Merriam-Webster
: the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens
: the ability of something to return to its original shape after it has been pulled, stretched, pressed, bent, etc.
Full Definition of RESILIENCE
1:  the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by compressive stress
2:  an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change 
The reason I actually went into martial arts and self defense was due to this word, resilience. One of my inner city students threatened my life. In these types of circumstances a person has a choice to  become a victim or to stand tall, in other words be a victim, always worried about what will happen next or choose to live life wonderfully.
I chose to be proactive and set out to learn how to protect myself. Several years after begining my education I began teaching people how to protect themselves. About a week after one of these self-defense classes, one of the participants, a Lady Doctor, called and said I had saved her life. For the first time in her career she found herself in a situation that could have been deadly if not for some of the techniques she had just learned in a short 2 hour class.

I love having the opportunity to empower resilient people!

Being Prepared

Being prepared to me means to think ahead of time and plan for any dangers, tragedies, trials, difficulties or fun times. Preparing means mentally and physically doing something before an event occurs that may cause disturbance to your regular schedule.

Simply put

If I were to go on a trip, I would do these three things;
Plan---the mind mapping and brain storming stage
Who--who would I want to come along, who would I want to see
What--what would I want to see, what would I need for the trip, what type of resources do I need
Where--where would I want to go
Why--why am I going (business, family, fun, funeral...etc)
How--how am I going to get to where I want to go

Prepare---Getting things ready for the trip stage, this is the physical part
Who--setting up care for cat, dog, children, parents, work---or packing bags for people/animals that will be coming on the trip
What--getting things I need for my trip, i.e. passport, luggage, clothing
Where--get maps or GPS for the place I'm going
Why--this would help in the preparation of what type of clothing I would bring on my trip
How--making hotel and transportation reservations

Go on my trip and have fun or get my business done

5 Fingers of Self Defense

Think of quick exits, deescalating techniques, where not to be
Yell/Scream with everything you've got--fire is the best thing to scream
Run away, for safety, to a group of people
Fight for your life and those who you take care of and who care for you
Immediately tell the police, even if nothing happened, because next time something might happen to you or someone else

When Walking

When walking to your car by yourself always be prepared. Before leaving the building get your car keys out and have them in your hand. Don't have other things in your hands. If you need to defend yourself, you want your hands free of any distractions.

Self-Defense Easy To Learn To Protect Yourself From An Attacker

What a great news cast for protecting your self against an attacker. I love that they give the watchers practicle ways to avoid the situation.

1) Walking in Groups
2) Staying in well lit areas
3) Being aware of your environment
4) Practice to help muscle memory

“It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from, what your background is, whether you’re male or female, you could be a victim.” Lewi Gault, a personal trainer and self-defense teacher, from Fitness in the City


How to Avoid Carjacking

A couple of months ago, a news cast was shown about the spree of car jacks in Reno, NV. The newscaster, a woman, asked a police officer what the best defense was...surprisingly he didn't say some of the most obvious
1) Keep you car doors locked at all times
2) Keep you car windows rolled up to the point that no one could actually open the car door through them
3) Be conscious about where you're driving, the area of the city and the people walking around you
4) Always drive so that if a car stops in front of you, you could easily drive around them if you had to
5) If someone puts their arm in your window, close your window while ducking below the window---as well as start to drive away with their arm in the window---they'll get the point
6) Keep your radio down so that you can hear anything abnormal around you

More Tips from Department of Public Safety of University of Southern California
"Carjacking is a serious, traumatic and often violent form of vehicle theft. It is a crime of opportunity that threatens an individual’s personal safety. Carjackers utilize particular conditions to select their victims, targeting vulnerable, unaware and/or unprepared people. It is important to appear confident and be aware of your surroundings at all times, especially when driving at reduced speeds and stopping or parking at:
  • Intersections controlled by stoplights or signs
  • Garages and commuter parking areas, shopping malls and grocery stores
  • Self-service gas stations and car washes
  • Drive-thru banks
  • Residential driveways and streets where people are often get into and out of cars
  • Freeway exits and entry ramps
The key to avoiding this crime is prevention. It is a good idea to think about what to do if you became a carjacking victim. You can reduce your risk by considering the following precautions:
  • Keep all doors locked and windows up when driving
  • Keep your valuables out of view
  • When possible, do not drive alone in remote or unfamiliar areas
  • Service your vehicle regularly to ensure it is working properly
  • Travel on main roads as much as possible
  • Try to drive in the lane nearest to the road’s center to distance any would-be pedestrian attacker and to avoid being pushed to the shoulder
  • Drive on well-lit streets at night
  • When stopped in traffic, leave enough space between vehicles to allow you to move forward
  • Do not park next to high-profile vehicles such as vans that could conceal a suspect
  • When walking to your car have keys in hand, and enter your vehicle quickly
  • Do not pull over if a suspicious driver motions you to do so
  • If you feel you are being followed by another vehicle, do not drive home
  • If you are involved in a minor accident or think your car was hit intentionally, do not check the damage in a remote area – motion the other driver to follow you to the nearest police station or open business to exchange information
  • If you are in an accident, take your keys and purse or wallet with you when you get out of the car"

Prevention definition

pre·ven·tion--definition from Merriam Webster

: the act or practice of stopping something bad from happening
: the act of preventing something

Original definition from the following website:

Avoiding Danger

“People should learn to see and so avoid all danger. Just as a wise man keeps away from mad dogs so one should not make friends with evil men” 


Strikes 1

There are many strikes in self defense and martial arts that will assist you with getting away from an assalent quickly. In an attack you have seconds and each one counts to your survival so use them wisely.

Here I will describe some powerful strikes that will give you some extra time.

For these strikes to be successful, you will need to practice them often. When practicing use fast motion because in a real situation you will want to be fast, due to your time factor.

Knee to the Groin
Lift your left or right leg so that it may be parallel to the ground, bending the knee so that it creats a 90 degree angle, into your attacker

Elbow Stikes
The elbow strike can be used in a number of positions and for a number of reasons

a) When someone is attacking from behind---Arm close to body, palm up (facing forward), elbow pointing toward the ground, move your elbow straight back into your attacker

b) When someone is attacking your front----Arm close to your body, palm up (facing forward), elbow pointing toward the ground, move your elbow up into your attacker

c) When someone is attacking from your side--Arm close to your body, forearm touching your mid stomach, palm down (facing towards the ground), move elbow sideways into your attacker ribs or move your elbow up into your attackers face.

d) When someone is attacking you from your side--Wrist in front of your face, palm down (facing toward the ground), move your arm straight or slightly upward into your attacker


Definition of Intuition

in·tu·i·tion--definition from Merriam-Webster

": a natural ability or power that makes it possible to know something without any proof or evidence : a feeling that guides a person to act a certain way without fully understanding why
: something that is known or understood without proof or evidence

1    :  quick and ready insight
a :  immediate apprehension or cognition
b :  knowledge or conviction gained by intuition
c :  the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference

  1. "Intuition was telling her that something was very wrong."

Original definition from the website:

Internet Safety for Children and their Parents

A video that all parents should watch with their children and have a discussion about

Some Questions to start a discussion with your child about internet

Would be Child Predator was Thwarted Due to a Good Samaritan

In July 2014, Landover, Maryland, a would be child predator was thwarted due to a Good Samaritan. Take away from this newscast---be vigilant and aware of your environment to help yourself, friends, loved ones as well as other people who may need your help.

Good Samaritan Being Aware of His Environment and Would be Kidnapper in Santa Clarita


Take away from the following news story----be aware of your environment not just for yourself or your family, friends, loved ones but for anyone who might need your assistance

"Deputies locate girl who fled would-be kidnapper in Santa Clarita by Veronica Rocha, November 14, 2014, Los Angeles Times

"Authorities have located a 13-year-old girl who they say was a victim of a kidnapping attempt Wednesday in Santa Clarita.

"A driver spotted the attempted kidnapping about 8:30 a.m. in the area of Sierra Highway and Jakes Way, yelled at the suspect and told the girl to run and call authorities, Los Angeles County Sheriff's Deputy Joshua Dubin said.

"Meanwhile, the driver watched the man -- identified as Guillermo Lomeli Ceniceros, 39, of Rosamond -- until he was taken into custody by deputies.
"After arresting Ceniceros, police made a public appeal for the girl to come forward.
Dubin said Ceniceros and the girl are "complete strangers." "They do not know each other and they never had any previous contact," he said.

"Detectives found additional witnesses and plan to interview them about the incident.
Ceniceros, who is being held on $100,000 bail, is scheduled to appear in court Friday."


De-escalation Techiques

1) Appear calm---appearing calm puts you in control of the situation

2) Use a normal speaking voice---unless the situation becomes combative, than scream as loud as you can to get attention from others

3) Don't be offended or get defensive with what a person is saying

4) Be aware of your environment---know where the doors and walls are and who else is in the environment----never put your back toward the individual your speaking with

5) Pay attention to where the individual is going and what he is doing

6) Keep your hands up and available to use as tools, it also shows the person you don't have a weapon

7) Repeat what the person is saying to make sure they know you heard what they said

8) You may want to agree with the individual---ie
Combative person "You're mother wears combat boots"
You "yep you're right she does"

9) ALWAYS ALWAYS----Trust your intuition

# De-escalationTechiques #SelfDefense #defendingyourself #easyselfdefense #SelfDefensehabits #SelfDefensetips #teachingchildrenselfdefense #Trustyourintuition


Texting and Self Defense

One of my friends recently took a trip where she had to be in the airport several hours. When she came back home she made several observations that she required me to sit down and listen to her about.....she said "you need to hear what I saw, and you need to tell people about this..."

What she observed is what we continually see everyday. It was people looking and/or listening to their phone and/or electronic devices. She said that it was scary because women and young people continually looked at their screens and had ear phones in their ears (I call ear phones "ear plugs"), never looking up to notice their environments.  

You might wonder why my friend was concerned about these people? 

One of the first lines of defense is environmental awareness---Look at the pictures on this post. Are the people in the pictures aware of their environment? Are they aware of the people around them and what those people are doing? I'd have to say no.

Two of your most powerful tools in keep yourself and family safe are; 1) your eyes and 2) your ears

---it's ok to text and enjoy your electronic devices, but there is a place and time to do that-----it's when you can be fully aware of your environment having full confidence in your safety.


Don't Ignore Your Inner Voice/Intuition

Don't ignore your inner voice/intuition. 

Several months ago I attended a training. I was running late, so when I entered the training room, I had to take whatever seat was open, so I choose the one where I could get to with the most ease, meaning without having to crawl over people's laps. Just before sitting down I looked at the person sitting right next to where I would sit and a thought ran across my mind---"this man to the left of you is a pedophile"....I thought that was an odd thought and why would I think that? Was it the way he was dressed, his hair cut, his shoes?

During one of the last days of training the man sitting next to me revealed to the class that he had recently come from jail and had been imprisoned for attempted pedophilia. Hmmm, my first instinct was right, my inner voice/intuition didn't fail me.

How many times do we ignore that voice or feeling because we think we are judging someone. You are not judging someone when you listen to that voice. You're intuition is what keeps you and your family doesn't matter where you are; church, store, school...there are good and bad people every where....just be aware of them and pay attention to your inner voice---


An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure #selfdefense

Benjamin Franklin once said "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." No truer words have been spoken about self defense, which I'm sure he wasn't talking about when he said this. 

What's the last thing you want to hear a pilot say when you're up in the air on a plane? Get you're parachute on, we're going to crash land. 

Like a parachute, the physical moves of #selfdefense should be the very last resource you should have to use, when trying to keep yourself or family safe. 

So what resource should you first use? Prevention



"A good number of women who are attacked are chosen because of the way they presented themselves. Something about their posture told the assailant, 'here is a weak woman, I can take her'. If you are scared out of your gourd, it will show.

"Low self esteem or fearfulness looks like slouched shoulders; head down, arms folded in front or in pockets. Confidence looks like walking tall, shoulders back, head up, eye to eye contact, arms at the side. One statistic revealed that those trained in martial arts are less likely to ever be attacked because of the way they carry themselves. They’ve been trained to defend themselves and to not take a weak position. They have confidence.

"Try this experiment. The next time you’re in a public place, mall, grocery store, the beach, no matter, walk past all the people and look them directly in the eye. You might want to smile a little or offer a “how ya doin’?” so they don’t think you’re stalking them. You’ll be amazed at the number of people who will not look at you. They’ll look down or away but not at you. Of course, in some cultures it’s not proper to look people in the eye. Be sensitive to that. But in many circles you will find it hard to find 10 people who will look at you.

"By you looking at them, in some subconscious way you’re communicating that you are not afraid. You’re not sending nonverbal clues that you lack confidence. To get into the practice of always looking people in the eye, take it one step further and see what color eyes they have. It only takes a quick glance, you’re not starring down people but if you make an effort to determine eye color, you can be confident that you’re properly looking people head on in the eyes.

"Get your hands out of your pockets when you walk. Uncross those arms that are locked across your chest. Not only does it look stronger and friendlier to have open arms, it’s safer. Should the need arise that you need to thwart off a would-be attacker; you’re going to need your arms to free yourself. How easy it is for one to come up from behind you and grab you if your arms are tucked neatly away? You’re just making it easy. How can you poke out eyeballs, or jab Adam’s apples or throw an elbow to the ribs if your arms are hugging yourself.

"'But I AM scared,' you confess. There are two things you can do about that. One is take some self defense classes and learn how to not be afraid. The other and immediate method to change how you project yourself is to fake it until you make it. You may be scared out of your wits, but if you get the self talk going, “I am NOT afraid” and get the body language to follow it, head up, shoulders back, arms open, then you’re at least giving the allusion that you are not a weak prey.

"'Half of your battle is in the mind. Do something about it.'"

Written by Emily Clark 
To read the entire artcile please go to the following web site


Don't loud me daddy

A couple of weeks ago we had a dinner party with some new found friends. One of our guests was a 2 year old who was very curious about everything including opening every door to every room of our home, forget personal privacy, hahaha. 

The reason I share this is there was something that little person said that really made me think about how we talk to our little ones and how it sounds and feels to them. When his father was getting frustrated with him, his dad said to the child, stop opening those doors, the little guy said, "Daddy don't loud me"--which meant, don't yell at me, which thankfully his father wasn't yelling, but I found it interesting how a child perceives different scolding and how we as adults need to be careful with our words and how we say them.

I loved what Ben Stein said about screaming at our children "Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny."



Revolution is a transfer of power

So what comes of abuse to a child? Fear which turns into hatred as the child becomes older. How that child learned from you to express themselves eventually may become abusive behavior toward you, their own children....

A reform is a correction of abuses; a revolution is a transfer of power. Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton


Parents please remember this

Parents please remember this

"The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse."
Edmund Burke


Kerry Washington Sheds Light On An Invisible Kind Of Domestic Abuse

"Kerry Washington Sheds Light On An Invisible Kind Of Domestic Abuse" 
by Melissa Jeltsen Huffinton Post Posted: 
"....Kerry Washington....
"On Monday, the Emmy-nominated actress spoke out about an often-overlooked reason why women stay in abusive relationships: Domestic Abuse.
"'It's the reason why so many people stay,' she said in an interview with The Huffington Post. 'That whole hashtag #WhyIStayed that happened last week, you saw how many of those responses were about feeling trapped financially.'
"Financial abuse is a tactic often used by abusers to control and isolate their partners. It takes many forms: Abusers may drastically limit their victims' access to cash so they have no money of their own if they want to flee. They may sabotage their victims' ability to work, or pile up debt under their victims' names. Experts cite financial abuse as one of the top reasons why many victims are unable to escape abusive relationships.
"'I think people just aren't as aware of financial abuse,' Washington told HuffPost. 'If a woman isn't even aware of the dynamics of financial abuse -- what it looks like, what it is -- she may not even know that that's part of the tools being used to control her and manipulate her and keep her trapped. When there is more information around it, people can begin to identify it and then get the help they need.'
"'Finances are almost always a weapon of choice,' she says in the video. 'Taking away access to cash, destroying credit, jeopardizing jobs -- financial abuse leaves invisible bruises that can take decades to heal.'
To read the entire article go to the following website